You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
