I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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