Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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