What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
