Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
