At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
