I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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