so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
