Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
