I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
tell me about the eggs
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