if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How does it feel to date your dad?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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