I must be too annoying 4 u.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
