i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
