I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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