i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
