it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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