i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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