you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm like, not good at living.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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