i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
