I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
