Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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