they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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