went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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