so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
