honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
