i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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