We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
