woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
the raccoons are back...
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