We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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