R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
