STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
