The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize