I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
