Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
