Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
