We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
