Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
