YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
