It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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