He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
