I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
