You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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