so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
