I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
