maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
