Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
