return my video game
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
dude. I can hear the air.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
