She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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