I want to have your abortion
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
