3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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