Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
