hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
