i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
