I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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