Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
