She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
