Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
